It's hard being a girl

I need to rant for a minute. And I hate posting things that upset me but I think I would feel better if I got it out. 

Lizzie is having a tough time. And she did last year. She’s has a hard time making friends, finding someone to play with on the playground, kids that won’t make fun of her because she likes the color blue, dinosaurs and that God is pretty colorful because he created everyone in His likeness. 

She also has had a tough time being in the shadows of her brother. He gets a lot of attention and as we tell her most of it isn’t positive. He’s been diagnosed as autistic but I think he’s more ADD and Tasmanian Devil. 

And she has also gained some weight. Which as a chubby girl, myself, that is hard. We love her no matter what she looks like, but others can be cruel. And I also want her to be healthy. I’m terrified of childhood cancers and diabetes- not because she has gained weight but because who knows what is put in our food nowadays. 

She is starting to get very anxious the night before and the morning of school. Saying how much she will miss us, how she wants to stay home. I have also tried to comfort her, look into homeschooling to her hating that idea of leaving her school.

I have tried so hard to make her feel good about herself. I have tried to help her find ways to make friends. I have taken her out and done things with just her and I.

Imagine how happy I was when I saw a program called Girls on the Run for 3rd and 4th grade girls. What is Girls on the Run? Here is what their website says:

“Girls on the Run is a transformational physical activity based positive youth development program for girls in 3rd-8th grade.

We teach life skills through dynamic, interactive lessons and running games. The program culminates with the girls being physically and emotionally prepared to complete a celebratory 5K running event. The goal of the program is to unleash confidence through accomplishment while establishing a lifetime appreciation of health and fitness.”

Lizzie wasn’t excited about the running part but when she found out friends she knew signed up she was ready. We signed up on the first day you could, paid and even gave a donation to the program. 

She couldn’t wait to do it. Two of her teachers where in it. One of the therapists we talked to in Cooper’s ARD meeting, who is also one of the fishes, said it would really help her with her confidence and making friends.

So imagine all of our surprise when we got an email informing us that she wasn’t picked. That they had a limited amount of spots and she wasn’t getting one. 

I broke the news gently to her. To which her response was, “no one wants me on their team.” It broke my heart. We tried telling her that wasn’t the case. That so many girls wanted to do it too and they randomly picked them. But she named two girls who she said, “they get picked for everything and they have so many friends.” I told her “not everything is as it seems on the outside. They might have problems on the inside that we don’t see.”

She made some peace with by saying “well I don’t have to run now.” But every time I see a Girls on the Run post, it’s like a knife to my heart. How could they talk about confidence when lowering someone’s. 

My daughter isn’t entitled to this program. I honestly don’t care if she is in it now. I’m not writing this to get her into the program. Im writing this because I do t think it’s fair that they don’t let every girl that applies in. How can you boost self-esteem and confidence when you tell them sorry we don’t have room for you?

I’m not sure the answer. Hopefully when the rain stops and we can go walk or run together we will. And we will laugh and smile and make more memories.